


Lets go, Together

by SharkMark



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Betrayal, Chenji if you squint, Crimes & Criminals, Donghyuck is at a crossroads, Drugs, Friendship/Love, Guns, Illnesses, Kidnapping, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, POV will change throughout chapters, Poverty, References to Drugs, Renjun just wants to help his mom, angsty young people trying to figure out the right thing, but mainly pov lee donghyuck, but the spotlight is on the dreamies, nomin if you take off your glasses, references made to most of the characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkMark/pseuds/SharkMark
Summary: Donghyuck and Renjun were stuck in a cycle of poverty, the fear of their moneylenders overpowering the dying embers of their dreams to become artists and support their families with the gift of their voice.While Donghyuck only had to sweet talk enough people to loan them money and haggle or steal for deliverables, Renjun was tasked with smuggling the goods into China during his monthly visits home to Jilin Province and passing them along to North Korean Merchants.They still attended university during the day, but it was growing harder to feel like a student sometimes. Donghyuck and Renjun had slipped farther and farther into work that seemed less and less legal as the months passed. Donghyuck wondered to himself sometimes how he ended up this way.Its only when a dangerous opportunity arises that could end their poverty for good, set the two straight on a path for all they dreamt of. Can Donghyuck go through with it? Kidnap an innocent man to save himself, his family, his best friend?No, I mean literally can he go through with it? Its not so easy to kidnap the famous rapper Mark Lee.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7





	1. My first and my last (delivery)

**Author's Note:**

> The ratings/warnings will change as the story progresses. I just removed some of the warnings because they were spoiler-y and don't apply yet - won't for a while actually. I will make sure to include if these have been updated in the beginning notes as each chapter is posted, enjoY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An old draft that I found! wheeee
> 
> Tags will be updated as the chapters come. This is technically a love story - on mULtiple levels - but also not really. I'll let y'all be the judge. 
> 
> please do read my disclaimers, and otherwise enjoy the ride! wahhh!
> 
> ///
> 
> grammatical disclaimer: 
> 
> Grammar has NEVER been my forte and I promise there will be many verb tense switches that I got too lost in the sauce of writing to go back and fix. I'll work on it though and if y'all have edits that would make it read easier I would be happy to include them. 
> 
> content disclaimer:
> 
> I was hesitant to post this fic in the past, because of the subject matter. I am not from or have any blood relation to South/North Korea, China, or elsewhere in Asia. As such, a work like this that is highly entangled with the legal systems of these countries (and also basic geography for a lot of the plot points to work out) can get complicated. I did do research before beginning this fic in hopes I could make it as realistic as possible and quickly realized that it would not work out. 
> 
> Rather than break my head open over trying to recreate the real world legal/criminal systems in these countries and disrespecting the culture through my mistakes, I am going to try to do this as an AU. In this AU, real world geography and criminal systems are highly altered by what I require for the plot to make sense, as do the ages. While all the NCT members are legal at this point (not like that it would have been an issue otherwise) they are all aged up slightly to fit their roles. When Chenle and Jisung are introduced later, this will become more relevant. 
> 
> Even though this is an AU, I would like to still acknowledge that I may make mistakes along the way and some elements of my writing could come out as disrespectful. I am here for a good time, an action-packed story that some people might enjoy. Disrespectful, insensitive elements would completely contradict this purpose and as such I implore any readers to vocalize if there are any aspects that I need to go back and change/delete to avoid this at all costs. I am learning, and I hope to do so with the help of some you chads on ao3 :p

Water droplets flew in a hundred different directions as Donghyuck shook out his wet hair. Gripping either side of the sink counter, he shuddered as water streamed down his face and into the neck of his shirt. Donghyuck stared at his reflection through his bangs with dark eyes, lips pursed. The first light of daytime dripping in through the small bathroom window, illuminating the back of his head and overgrown fringe.

“Good morning.” He spats at himself.

Donghyuck pulled at the skin below his eyes and scratched around his head. It was such a shame, a face like his could have made him a real singer. He had a dancer’s body, slender yet structured and definition everywhere, from the angles at the corner of his jaw to the long line of his legs.

However, the Donghuck that could have become an idol was being rubbed away by the sandpaper of his reality. Bruises staining his shins purple and scars from falls or fights tracing the delicate lines of his features. 

Before he had more time to feel sorry for his scruffy appearance, his phone buzzed in his sweat pants pocket.

From Renjun: My flight leaves in a couple of hours, where are you?

Oh right, delivery day.

Donghyuck hopped on one leg while putting on proper trousers to check if his backpack was ready. This week’s delivery was luxury beauty products, more pirated dramas, and some albums from the most current artists. The glass bottles tinkled together as he gingerly pulled the pack onto his shoulders, careful not to harm any of the cargo. This delivery was their biggest yet pricewise, but would barely break even between what they owed to people around town, rent, living costs, and what they each needed to send home to their families in order to make ends meet. Renjun especially was banking on this delivery so he could afford a special consultation with a new doctor in China for his mother.

Donghyuck tramped through the snow, feeling his legs burn with the pulling weight of the slush sucking at his boots. In the distance, he spied a nervous Renjun leaning against a tree in full travel gear and an adorable beanie that made his eyebrows appear permanently furrowed in concern.

“Im here, Mr.Business man!” Donghyuck unceremoniously unloaded his pack onto the snow and flopped down next to it. “I think one of my nuts exploded from either the cold or exhaustion on the way here, so you better not complain about me being late.”

Renjun breathed in harshly through his teeth as he watched Donghyuck’s backpack make impact with the ground. “Be careful, Hyuck, please.”

Donghyuck heard the edge in his friend’s voice and sat up to brush the snow from the pack. “You’re right, don’t worry though, I padded it really well on the inside.” A few of the albums had spilled out, and Donghuck scanned over their exterior to ensure none of them had been damaged. While he usually never spared the goods as much as a look over for quality and authenticity insurance, a face on the cover of one of the albums caught his eye.

“Mark Lee: Baby Don’t Like It” the cover showed a man similar in age to Donghyuck staring with downturned, hazy eyes. Donghyuck scoffed, why did this arrogant asshole get to be famous and he didn’t?

“Lets GO Donghyuck. You can listen to his music on spotify if you like him so much, but those albums will earn us four times what they cost if I can just make. My. flight.” Donghyuck glared up at Renjun, but couldn’t help the defensiveness that swelled in his chest as they continued toward the airport.

“Who said I listen to this crap anyway?”

“Oh, you don’t? I don’t think he’s half bad. Hes the best rapper SN entertainment has ever produced anyway….”

Donghyuck zoned out as Renjun began his rant on how modern artists were cranked out like cogs in a machine. He knew Renjun tended to talk out his nerves, and in that moment, he felt the guilt swell in his chest that Renjun was to carry out the next leg of the trip alone.

Renjun’s end of their work was by far more stressful. While Donghyuck only had to sweet talk enough people to loan them money and haggle or steal for deliverables, Renjun was tasked with smuggling the goods into China during his monthly visits home to Jilin Province and passing them along to North Korean Merchants. If he was caught at any step of his task, he would be in serious trouble. However, more than the risk of punishment from being caught, what frightened Renjun most was not being able to contact Donghyuck or his family. Too many people relied on him for their livelihoods, and while Renjun was always a more quiet, serious person, Donghyuck knew it must be difficult for him to always try to mask his stress under the façade of his aloof personality.

“Yeah, yeah, consumerism. I’ll really miss our conversations when you’re away.”

“You’ll miss your left nut if you don’t shut up, Donghyuck.”

The two of them continued their trek discussing the state of their ‘business’ and if there was any other way to bring in more money in between deliveries. Renjun travelled too often to hold down a part time job, but Donghyuck worked as a delivery boy for a high-end Korean and Chinese fusion food Restaurant in Gangnam.

He still attended university during the day, but it was growing harder and harder to feel like a student sometimes. Renjun had completely dropped out after their second year, when he met Donghyuck, and Donghyuck clung hard to the dream of graduating with a business degree and holding down a regular job.

For now though, he and Renjun had slipped farther and farther into work that seemed less and less legal as the months passed. He wondered to himself sometimes how he ended up this way, and then quickly dismissed those thoughts as pointless. He didn’t really have any regrets, not yet, not that he was still able to live with his best friend and do his best to study and support the people he cared about.

Still though, it made him uneasy when he realized that all his business talk with Renjun was really making them sound like grandpas as they trudged through the streets.

“The first person we need to pay back once I return is Jaehyun, he showed up at the house last night while you were at work with a _gun_ , you know.”

Oh yeah, perhaps he also disliked always having people coming down their throats for all the loaned money.

“He _what_?” Donghyuck screeched into Renjun’s ear, the shorter male closed his eyes in annoyance and bent his head away from the loud sound. “I mean, _really_ , Hyuck what did you expect? You said you would have the money back and doubled within the week and that was months ago.”

“He really seemed to be starting to trust me though. in my defense I thought I could charm my way out of it, or else I would never have used such cheap negotiation tactics.”

“If you are comfortable using your looks to get us money, then maybe just sign up for a sugar daddy? It would be a lot easier than whatever we’re doing now.”

“I don’t need a sugar daddy when I have the broadest shouldered papi in all of Asia.”

Renjun grimaced at that, and Donghyuck giggled aloud as they approached the airport entrance.

“Text me as soon as you get through security, Renjun.”

“Mmm”

“Text me as soon as you get out of the airport in Jilin too.”

“Mmh”

“Call me when you’ve arrived at home, too.”

“Someone’s obsessed with me, should I bring you along?”

“Thanks for the offer, but I would much rather fail my finance exam than spend more than half an hour with you on a plane.”

The two parted ways with a wave, and Donghyuck turned and waited for Renjun to disappear into the waves of people entering the revolving doors. The small male bobbed confidently toward his gate with way too much luggage for one person, but did it with confidence. He had a face that shined, and eyes that were so hopeful it ripped Donghyuck’s heart out sometimes.

When would they be able to stop all of this, just stop and be regular students again?

He remembers meeting Renjun like it was yesterday.

///

“I’ll have whatever he’s having, and sign me up for the next open mic slot!” A drunken Donghyuck plopped down at the bar, eyes shining and throwing out winks to anyone who spared him as much as a glance.

“Excuse me, I’m actually waiting for someone here, so if you could find a seat someplace els-“

“I’ve seen you around! My name is Donghyuck, you’re Renjun right?”

Renjun raised an eyebrow and turned to fully face the stranger beside him. “How would we have met?”

“I’m studying voice, so maybe we’ve met in a class? I’m a really great singer. You aren’t bad either, I feel like I remember being really impressed by your performance for the last round of exams.”

Renjun tried and failed to conceal his flattered smile, “Oh really? Than-“

“I remember being like, woAH, he is good but like could really work on his stage presence, you know? Like this Renjun guy had the look, he had the voice. But what he was lacking…was confidence.”

Renjun sighed in exasperation, half considering reminding this person that he was, in fact, still talking to _the_ Renjun himself, half considering leaving altogether. Donghyuck, satisfied with what he perceived as professional constructive criticism, downed his new drink and nudged Renjun playfully.

“I have the next slot for the mic, you should sing with me!”

“Listen man, I think you’re just really wasted, okay? But I. Do Not. Know You-“

“I sing best when im drunk though! You have to trust me.”

“I really don’t.”

“But you do though. You’ll regret it until the day you DIE if you don’t sing with me right now okay? Are you scared? What kind of vocalist are you anyway?”

Donghyuck’s incessant teasing was driving Renjun up a wall and the heat of frustration that he had been trying to push down finally rose to his cheeks. He stood from his chair with a completely disgruntled look on his brow, mouth open about to tell Donghyuck off.

“Oh god you’re so cute when you’re angry!” Donghyuck pinched his cheeks to Renjun’s utter shock.

Donghyuck continued to laugh as he looked Renjun up and down. “You’re barely any taller than you were sitting on the stool. It’s okay, I was a late bloomer too.”

At that moment, the equally drunk teens running the karaoke bar called off Donghyuck’s name.

“And for the next performance of our music club’s annual Fall-Fest karaoke-night, Leee! Dong!! Hyuck!!!.”

Everyone that was paying attention clapped sloppily and a couple of people whooped.

“Omg, we have to go now Renjun c’mon!” Before he could protest, Donghyuck was pulling Renjun on the stage beside him and grabbing the mic out of its stand. Renjun stood before the small crowd of college students in horror. As much as he hated to admit it, performing did scare him… a lot. As much as he loved to sing, he never really thought he could shine on stage like some of the other students did.

Donghyuck began to rattle off a brief introduction, and Renjun’s heart was beating so loudly in his chest he wasn’t sure if he heard correctly, but was fairly positive Donghyuck introduced him as the ‘Tiny - yet capable! – vocalist from music 54 class.’ The lights beat down on him and he began to sweat. Renjun just needed to escape, he just had to leave the stage and then everything would be okay.

But Donghyuck threw an arm around his shoulders and asked them to put on the song ‘Tears’, Renjun’s felt like he was going to throw up.

As the tech staff fumbled to set up the karaoke machine, Donghyuck spoke quietly so only Renjun could hear him, “Don’t worry, I’ll start and we can switch off, just feed off of my energy okay? But you are gonna have to give me energy too.” Renjun nodded frantically, no longer certain why he didn’t have this kid in a choke hold at this point, but too scared to do anything other than follow his lead.

Renjun’s head slowly cleared as Donghyuck began the song – he _was_ a good singer. He had one of the most unique voices Renjun had ever heard and sang with confidence and killer style. Renjun felt himself so engrossed in his performance that he was only slightly startled when Donghyuck passed the mic off to him.

They sang together.

///

It was a few years later, after another failed audition for one of the big labels in Seoul, that the two were back in the same bar.

Over the years, they had grown closer over many more nights out, becoming roommates, and sharing personal stories of their friends and family in their hometowns. Despite being very different people, Donghyuck was able to understand Renjun’s struggles in a way most people could not. Renjun had worked hard all his life to perfect his Korean and earn grades high enough to compete for South Korea’s universities. Now, he was going to do all he could to earn well and support his family back at home, hopefully using the gift of his voice.

While spending his whole life in Seoul, the prospect of attending a university there seemed equally distant to Donghyuck. His family hadn’t a dime to their name, and it took every ounce of his efforts to earn a partial scholarship for music.

However, the scholarship money was running out, and neither of them had gotten where they had hoped to be at this point in their education.

While their peers were furiously interviewing for positions at business, schools, and firms, the two of them were fighting tooth and nail for a contract with a label – anyone who would give them a chance, a roof over their head, and hopefully a chance to earn money big enough that their families wouldn’t have to worry so much anymore.

However, both of them felt it: the guilt. While they could have pursued anything else that had more stable job prospects, they both selfishly had their goals set on something that would likely not amount to anything. Well, that was not how they had thought about it in the beginning, but it was looking more and more like the past years had been a waste of everyone’s time.

Renjun’s mother was still sick and growing sicker – now without her son, in Jilin province. Donghyuck’s younger siblings were scrambling to compete in middle school without being able to afford cram school, and it was starting to look like both Renjun and Donghyuck would graduate without having gotten anywhere.

Renjun cried into his drink, his silent tears drawing worried glances from the bartender, and a comforting pat on the head from Donghyuck.

“There will be more auditions, Renjun, besides, we wouldn’t have wanted to be at a big company like that anyway. You know how SN treats their Chinese idols.” Donghyuck tried to hide the lack of confidence in his voice but was never a good liar.

Renjun exhaled hard and checked his watch. “My mother will be going to bed around this time in Jilin, she will be out of medicine tomorrow.” Renjun buried his face in his hands, “I won’t have enough money saved until next week to buy her more.”

Donghyuck frowned, the reality of his friend’s situation sobering him enough to remember how desperately Renjun needed to figure his shit out. He thought to himself hard, hopes for a chance or any solution really running quickly through his mind like a mantra, or a prayer. There had to be something he could do that would make everything okay. That’s what he did best.

The next day, he found himself outside of the notoriously sketchy upper-classmen Jaehyun’s dorm room, hands shaking and rereading the text message of the tipoff he had been given.

“ _If you need money, hes your guy, just don’t get yourself into any situations you can’t figure out for sure, or Jaehyun will make sure you regret it_.”

What’s that even supposed to mean?

He swallowed and closed his eyes to compose himself. It was just once, just something small that would help out Renjun big time.

And then, everything could go back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huH waell. there she is, eh?
> 
> let me know your thoughts, predictions... *blushes


	2. A big deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this as part of the first chapter, but I think its better paced out like this.
> 
> :3 meow
> 
> I hope you like it, the angst is brewing...

Donghyuck shifted his weight from one foot to another as he anxiously eyed the swarm of people pouring out of the airport. A failed finance exam, countless close calls with running into Jaehyun, and a week later, he was waiting for his petite raven-haired best friend to return from China in one piece (and hopefully a backpack full of cash).

Spotting his beanie, Donghyuck rushed over and bombarded Renjun with questions. Relieving the smaller by taking a backpack and suitcase, he couldn’t help but feel disappointment wash over him at the weight. Everything was so…light.

However, looking at Renjun’s hollowed expression and hunched figure, he elected not to ask about it first and instead began to rattle off what he was going to force feed him for dinner. Working at a fancy restaurant had its perks, as Donghyuck was allowed (or just stole tbh) leftover ingredients or dishes after his evening shifts.

Renjun smiled dryly at Donghyuck’s conversation, and he could tell by the wavering stars in his eyes that he was genuinely trying to care. The poor guy just didn’t have it in him at the moment.

It was already getting dark, but the two knew their way around their neighborhood and bustled through the streets. The quality of the architecture and cleanliness of the streets quickly degraded as the two approached their building. It didn’t make sense, but Donghyuck always found himself comforted by the shadier landmarks around his house (Lucas the cocaine dealer, Taeil the homeless man that would occasionally offer passerby hugs, YangYang the professional clown…) It was like a free adrenaline rush that came with the dingy apartment: the closer they approached home, the excitement and readiness for warmth and dry socks grew in parallel to the fear of murder or mugging. Totally worth the rent though.

“Hows your mother by the way.” Donghyuck asked in a small voice, reluctant to bring it up but dying to make sure he didn’t just walk Renjun through every step of his new recipe when his only family had in fact died.

Renjun looked up at him with a small smile and then back at their route ahead. “Shes not good, Donghyuck.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I used most of my share to get her that doctors visit I told you about, I’m sorry- “

“Don’t worry about that right now, I’m just glad you’re back. Honestly not in the mood to discuss the next time you leave again.”

Renjun scoffed, grateful for his friend’s effortless banter, but concern laced in his expression. “Besides, whenever you leave it gets really quiet in the apartment. So much so, that I realized If I stay up past a certain hour I can hear our neighbors having like crazy weird sex on the weekends.”

“You can stop there.”

“No! If I had to hear that 50 year old woman call her husband ‘big beef daddy’ then you do too!”

Donghyuck succeeds in making Renjun laugh by the time they reach their door.

Upon entry, Donghyuck threw his scarf, coat, and pack off to the side, collapsing face first into the entryway. “So tired, so hungry!” he wined into the tiles as a disgruntled Renjun that had been trapped in the hallway stepped over him, taking care to hang up his clothes and straighten the messy apartment as he made his way to the bedroom.

“Gonna shower” He called out to the still whiny Donghyuck before disappearing into the bathroom.

As soon as Renjun was out of sight and the water began to run, Donghyuck picked himself off the floor and began to dejectedly clean up the mess that had accumulated in Renjun’s absence. He didn’t dare go through the money without Renjun there, but he already knew it wouldn’t be enough from weight alone.

They really needed to figure their shit out. Donghyuck cared for Renjun like family, but as much as he wanted to help out his mother, the image of a coked up Jaehyun with a gun at their doorstep materialized in his mind. He couldn’t die, not like this, not before having left the country, gone to a fancy concert, made an honest dime, fallen in love-

Donghyuck stopped his thoughts by changing into warm clothes and beginning to heat the elaborate meal he prepared. Thinking about where he was going with his current life path often lead to a dangerous spiral. It was all only supposed to be temporary, just until they could get enough for this, and then just enough for – and then – and then-

He never thought himself to be the kind of guy that would resort to crime, but then again, that isn’t exactly something that any child writes in their diary growing up? Everyone assumes they’ll be great unless proved otherwise.

Donghyuck supposed he still hadn’t accepted the fact that he would never be…. _great._ If he and Renjun ever were able to break out of their cycle, he would graduate and get some shitty job working for the soulless corporate world and live out his fantasies through daydreams as an alcoholic. Maybe he would at least have the time to get laid by a bartender who found him charming?

“You made this yourself? Or was this taken from the restaurant?” Renjun shuffled around Donghyuck in the kitchen as he went to make himself tea. Donghyuck shook away the stormclouds around his brain and settled on the conclusion that Renjun’s rants about consumerism and the capitalist march were just getting to him.

The two ate as their studio slowly filled with warmth from Donghyuck’s cooking and each other’s occasional laughter. Donghyuck loved making Renjun laugh. The boy’s stern demeanor would melt into a loud clear sound that could fill a room. Donghyuck can’t remember the first time he heard it, but knew at the time that he wanted to hear it many times, again and again.

While the two enjoyed each other’s company, the tension of discussing whatever had happened during Renjun’s trip was tangible in the air. Once they fell into a comfortable silence with all bowls on the table empty, Donghyuck sighed and stared deeply at his friend.

“Let’s talk about it?”

Renjun dumped the contents of his backpack before Donghyuck – cash, cash, cash, drugs (?!), and the last couple of banknotes fluttered out onto the table before Renjun sat with determination.

“The guys I work with along the border have started requiring larger bribes. Things are tense up north, and both of them are pretty young, so they need to keep a low profile. They can’t count on their seniority to protect them, so they need money to bribe their own superiors.” Donghyuck nodded, trying to keep up. Renjun never spoke about the people he worked with before, something about not wanting Donghyuck to be in a tough spot if either of them were kidnaped and tortured for information.

“So, although we expected twice this much, a lot of it went to those two. I already told you I spent most of my share on my mother’s new doctor visit. What we have left will either cover monthly expenses, OR pay off what we owe to Jaehyun. We could try to squeeze it for food and give Jaehyun like, 20% back? But I have a feeling any negotiations that go down the next time one of us runs into him will end with a knifewound if we don’t have the full payment.”

“Its okay! We can figure it ou-“

“I have a plan though.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened. If Renjun had this all figured out, then why did he shave another 15 years off of his already stressful life keeping him anxious throughout the evening?

“After I performed the delivery, I spent the next two days in Jilin helping my mother, right? While I was still there, one of my guys got in touch with me, he said theres a special request for a delivery. This time from some higher up family in the North. If we pull it off, the payment will end our poverty for good.”

Donghyuck’s chest soared. The thought of a normal life, just being a student again, moving out of this dump…

His eyes suddenly recaught the bag of drugs on the table, and one of his brows raised in supposed understanding. “Drugs? I mean, you know how I feel about that Renjun, but if we would only need to do it one time-“

“Its not drugs.”

Donghyuck gaped at him, “Then why did you bring this back? Some stress relief? I can’t have you becoming a crack head, one Jaehyun is already too much.”

Renjun didn’t back down at the joke. His eyes were aflame and he looked at Donghyuck with a determination and sense of pleading that Donghyuck had only seen in him a couple of times during their audition days.

“The delivery would be a _person.”_

_…_

“What?”

“Someone in North Korea will pay us millions of dollars to smuggle a human being through the south, into China, and hand him off to my guys at the border.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Jun”

“Hyuck, this is the only way we will ever get out of whatever hole we’ve dug ourselves into.”

“I never signed up for something like this!”

“I never signed up for any of this at all! This life? This poverty? A sick mother? Neither of us asked for any of this!”

Donghyuck stood up out of his chair harshly, staring incredulously at the other.

“Sure, we are criminals at this point, but we aren’t bad people, right? We smuggle some perfume to make ends meet. A bad person kidnaps someone, hurts people. I don’t wan’t to hurt anyone, I don’t want to even consider this-“

“Theres no other way!”

“But there has to be, because you know what, Renjun? When its just us smuggling dramas, I’m able to hope about tomorrow. To feel good about the fact that I probably gave some miserable child up North a couple hours of joy from some shit drama or new CD and that once we are done, have paid everyone off and just catch up, then we can go back to normal.

If we do this job, then it will never go back. No light at the end of the tunnel. We will have done something evil. Something bad. The guilt of our crime and the knowledge that the police or someone could find out will never go away. Money won’t make it go away, drugs won’t make it go away.

At that point, once I’ve hurt someone’s life so badly, I won’t want to keep dreaming of tomorrow anymore, or of the thought of normal. For me, my life will be over. I don’t care if we have to smuggle nail-polish for the next fifty years if it means I’ll still have something to hope for.”

The last sentence of Donghyuck’s spiel rings into the small space, and a dark blanket of silence falls over the two. Donghyuck is breathing heavily from his frustration and Renjun is still poised in front of him with both hands on the table, eyes hardened, staring Donghyuck down and hoping to find a crack in his logic.

“You do what you want. I already told them im in.”

“Jun-“

“With this money, I can get my mother a surgery that will end her suffering for life. No more medicine, no more being bedridden. There’s nothing in the world I want more. I don’t even want my own happiness more. I will smile as I let the guilt burn a hole in my gut, because I’ll know that shes finally okay.”

“You can’t go into something like this alone, Imagine if you get caught.”

“I wont get caught then.” Renjun spits back. He lifts himself off the table and counts up the money into neat piles for storage.

“These drugs are for the mission. Once this guy is asleep, I’ll put him in the belly of the plane where they keep live animals and he won’t wake up until hes on the other side of the border. I have connections in the airport, he won’t be harmed down there.”

“As if I’m worried about the flight! Have you even thought about what or why they want this person up North? How badly could he have fucked up? He’s either crazy and will murder you in trying, or he will get publicly executed the second he lands there.”

“Not my problem to think about Hyuck!”

“I don’t even think I know you.”

Donghyuck tugged on his coat and scarf, leaving Renjun alone with the dirty dishes and money. He needed a walk.

///

It was late at night now, and snow fell softly onto the blackened streets, making everything seem slightly aglow, dreamy even. At this time of night with this weather, especially with the lack of street lighting, it was almost possible to see a couple of stars in the Seoul sky.

Donghyuck took many deep breaths, trying to process what his best friend had just told him. If Renjun was really going to go through with it, that would leave him all alone. Renjun would probably stay in China if what he was talking about was really enough money to sustain them for years to come. Donghyuck would be left in Seoul with his debts, friendless – except for maybe the psychotic Jaehyun who would take pity on him? Perhaps add him to his crack-head gang?

Donghyuck’s blood turned to ice as he felt a gruff hand push him face first into a wall. The muffled grunt behind him registered as a familiar, yet very unwelcomed voice. Speak of the devil.

“Nice to run into you, Donghyuck.” Jaehyun sounded anything but nice.

“Listen man, we have 20% of it what we owe ready now. Today. If you come with me back to my place I’ll-“

“20% isn’t enough. You know I have my guys to pay back as well? You know the debt doesn’t just come down to you, me and my gun?”

Donghyuck becomes very aware of the metal cylinder pressed into the small of his back.

Oh fuck.

“W-we have a new job coming up. One that will return so much, itll pay you anything you need, more than that, I’m sure you could use extra cash too.”

“I don’t think I believe a single piece of shit that falls out of your mouth these days, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck clenched his teeth as he felt the gun press deeper into his flesh.

“I know you’re lying, because you and your twink friend don’t do dirty work. You guys only handle small potatoes, that’s why you’ll never return your debt. If you want to make money fast, it comes with sacrifices. Any business major should know that.”

Donghyuck’s mind races, he thinks of any way to smart talk his way out, any promise of some quick cash that doesn’t sound like the psychotic deal Renjun proposed to him, but draws a blank. He braces himself against the wall and hopes that Jaehyun will make his death painless. Donghyuck internally screams in sadness, regretting the foul words exchanged with his poor best friend to be their last.

Relief floods into him as he feels Jaehyun’s grip loosen. Donghyuck slowly turns around to face him, gun now hanging idly from his hand.

“Tell me about this new job, you have 30 seconds.”

Donghyuck rattles off the plan that Renjun had disclosed to him, making sure to keep critical details that could get either of them caught out of the picture. Jaehyun stares at him incredulously.

“So theres a delivery large enough that someone big person up north is willing to privately hire you two idiots to carry it out? And the reward is enough to sustain you both and cover what you owe?”

Donghyuck nods, unsure of himself and quickly realizing how many holes could be in this plan without guarantee that the pay would come through, or that they would even be able to pull it off. Albums don’t put up a fight in transit, and what if Renjun’s mystery kidnapping drugs don’t work?

Who were they kidnapping anyway?

“That sounds so stupid, Donghyuck, I mean, honestly.”

Donghyuck exhales in frustration. “Well, what other option do either of us have! I would give you anything I owned to pay it off in the meantime, but I literally. Have. Nothing.” The sincerity in his voice sets every word aflame, and for once Jaehyun looks fairly startled.

“You have no choice but to trust me, Jaehyun. And I have no choice but to carry out the job.” Donghyuck’s voice trails off at the last part, realization seeps in.

Donghyuck sighs, “You could kill me right here, if you’d like, but that won’t fix what you owe. You could sell me as a sex slave? Or something? Or like, I don’t know, sell my organs? But If im honest, that sounds like a lot more work on your end than you have time for… and I don’t like bottoming for strangers.”

Jaehyun actually laughs at that. “Now you’re talking like a business person. You’re lucky I’m clean right now, or else I probably wouldn’t have the sense to care about what you had to say. I’ll give you two months. At the end of that time is when I need to get back to my guys too, get it? So no more extensions. No more next times. If the money isn’t ready by then, I will literally send my guys over to your place and let them do what they want with you. I’m not up for it, but one of them might actually be interested in selling you and your friend out to sex trafficking or worse.”

Worse. Huh.

“Thanks Jaehyun, I promise I won’t-“

“Don’t thank me, or promise anything to me. If you really are confident in your plan, then you don’t need to promise anything, right? Because its already done, in the pocket, right?”

Right.

///

Donghyuck reenters his apartment right in time, just as Renjun is packing the last of his things. Renjun looks up briefly at the intrusion, trying to look uninterested and determined. His nervous scurrying around the apartment replaced by heavy steps and squared shoulders. Donghyuck’s face reveals nothing – there’s nothing to reveal. He feels so incredibly empty. There isn’t even any room for self-disappointment inside with all the emptiness.

The feeling of Jaehyun’s gun has been branded into his skin. Its like the mark that comes with a deal with the devil. He can’t escape the memory just like he can’t escape his desperate urge to preserve his life. Upon seeing Renjun, the disbelief and betrayal from their last conversation resurfaces within Donghyuck.

But its no use.

The slave inside of Donghyuck’s brain stem - the one that keeps him kicking within the constant battle for his life – binds him tightly, keeps him frozen in the doorframe.

“Renjun-“ Donghyuck can hardly get his name out without his voice failing him. “Let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooooooooooooooooh!!! And what next??
> 
> If you read the work summary y'all already know mark is the one they need to kidnap, and I guess its taking A WHILE to get to that point i understand, but I'm having fun pacing this out and I really hope its not getting boring.


	3. Rager at my place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little harder for me to write than the others, I really wanted the introduction of Mark to set the tone for their interactions going forward, and I hope I did a good job doing so!
> 
> Strap in, and get ready to meet another neo joining the story!

Chapter 3: Rager at my place?

Donghyuck felt the familiar nervousness buzzing through him as he waited in line at the SN weekly audition. It would be his nth time auditioning, and at this point he felt the process as chore-like as going through the DMV.

He didn’t feel his nerves though, not really. Unlike all the other times, Donghyuck now was operating from a different layer of his consciousness. He had a job, one that everything he cared about was banking on, and the outcome of this audition hardly mattered when there was a higher task at hand.

///

Donghyuck smashed his clenched hand into the thin walls at the entryway of their apartment, flecks of dust and drywall coating his face. The turbulent particles in the air doing nothing to mask his rage.

“You got fucking baited into kidnapping one of the top idols in this country, and didn’t think it relevant enough information to tell me about it before I fed the plan to Jaehyun like it was cake?”

Renjun stood a few paces back, his legs pressing into the edges of the coffee table where they were sitting moments before. It had been months since Donghyuck lashed out like this, but Renjun more than anyone knew how to deal with his anger.

“You gotta Breathe, Donghyuck.”

“You fucking tricked me-“

“We can talk about all of it, just for now I need you to count to ten.”

“What does it matter! We’re both toast!”

“If you would just listen to me-“

Donghyuck breathed shakily as he took a few steps away from Renjun, hands coming up to grip the wall. A few of his fingers felt around the hole he had created. They moved on their own accord, seemingly unaware of his rage. Exploring with the curiosity of a child, tracing along the ridges cracked through the drywall. The gash allowed Donghyuck to get a peek at the insulation, a couple of shades of paint from the previous owners speckled against a chunk of wooden beam that ran across the space.

‘Just listen to Renjun’, like hell. Look at what position that had gotten him into? Still though, Donghyuck let the mindless movement of his hands slow his breathing, refocus his vision.

“You’re okay, Donghyuck. I wouldn’t get you into anything that I didn’t think would be safe.”

Donghyuck scoffed, still turned away from Renjun against the wall.

“Easy for you to say when you’re not the one doing it.”

Donghyuck regretted his words as he said them, the feeling sobering him out from the last tendrils of his sudden anger. He saw Renjun stiffen from the corner of his eye. Renjun carried out the most dangerous leg of their work every time, all the time. Both put their lives on the line, sure. But Renjun was their soldier. Their man on the battlefield, the one with all the connections.

“I was scared my first time too.”

Donghyuck finally moved to face Renjun, watched him take a few gentle steps across the tiles.

“I’m scared all the time, every time I go. I don’t think its because I’m a coward either, I think its because its scary.”

Renjun lifts his hands to grip Donghyuck’s shoulders, head down but eyes peeking up to search the other’s face.

“You won’t be alone, I’ll be in the area the entire time. A phone call away the minute you need me.”

Donghyuck smiled softly.

“I do need you.”

“So, I’ll help you, its not a bad plan either, I’ve done dumber.”

They walked back to the couch, Renjun schooling his expression into the one he used for talks regarding strategy and business. Donghyuck couldn’t help but think he looked cute when he was working hard to stay serious. Was it possible the two of them would be felons in only a few weeks time?

///

“The next line of people, please come into the audition room.”

Donghyuck pursed his lips in annoyance at the pavlovian fight or flight that thrummed through his chest at the sound of those words. His line would be called soon, it was time to focus up. His mind raced through the instructions Renjun had reviewed with him before he left that morning.

“ _this audition is going to be special. If you make it past a certain round, you get to participate in clinics with some of their artists – our guy is going to be there.”_

_“And if I don’t make it past that certain round?”_

_“Doesn’t matter, it shouldn’t be difficult to sneak in with the rest of them the next day – and you have the talent to keep up either way.”_

Donghyuck took note of the labyrinth of rooms around the SN building. It was rare auditions were held in the main building, so this would be his only chance to take in the surroundings and develop a mental map.

He shuffled a few steps forward, the other auditionees coming into focus beside him. Some of them were so young, he felt like a real ‘old-timer’ and grimaced as if their pent-up energy might somehow rub off on him.

Watching them anxiously shift and prepare for their auditions made him realize he should probably do the same if he was really going to do this again. Donghyuck sighed and began to run through his old vocal exercises. It had been a while since he had tried singing, even in the shower. It made him sadder than not since he had transferred departments to business.

“…mi fa-“ Donghyuck’s voice cracked as he began to break into a register that was, at one time, his most comfortable. He stopped suddenly, clearing his throat in embarrassment and confusion. Had his voice changed that much in as much as a year or so? He had always garnered attention in his vocal classes for his unique vocal color, and he hadn’t lost that – thank god – but there was definitely something different. What was worse, is that he didn’t have the time to go through his entire two-hour scales and chromatic exercise sequence to find out exactly what his limits were at this point.

“The next line of people, please come into the audition room.”

Fuck. Shit-

Donghyuck’s line would be the one after, and he was starting to panic. He had decided with Renjun that he would do his usual audition piece – enough muscle memory there that he wouldn’t need any prep, but it was becoming clear that it was too high. Donghyuck’s mind raced through recent hits, something he would be able to pull out of his ass in the next 5 minutes.

And he should probably do some stretches too – right. In case they ask him to dance or anything, Donghyuck did some street dancing in university too before everything. He was a pretty talented dancer, but man was he stiff after all those shifts hunched over the sink at the restaurant.

Donghyuck leaned over, hoping the blood rushing to his head would help with the nerves. He felt each of his vertebrates crack, lower and lower until the base of his spine.

_“You know the debt doesn’t just come down to you, me and my gun?”_

Donghyuck freezes, breath catching in his throat and losing his balance just as his hands come in contact with the floor ahead of his feet- wobbling a bit before bending his knees and sitting on his spot in line – trying to catch his breath.

Right, their plan, Renjun’s mom, Donghyuck’s neck, the hole still fresh in their entryway, the hole in his gut since he committed himself to this freakish plan.

“Do you plan on sitting there for your audition too?”

Donghyuck whipped his head up, meeting the eyes of the auditionee behind him in line. Their line had been called in during his moment of panic, and everyone behind him was awkwardly waiting for him to get up and move into the room.

Not this one though, he was glaring down at Donghyuck with something like pity, but also something kind of comforting. A playful jab to maybe help Donghyuck’s obvious nerves – just Donghyuck’s style when comforting his own friends.

“A little nervous? You’ll be great, I heard you warming up earlier. Not bad – good thing you aren’t auditioning for dance since the adjudicator saw you sitting on your ass like an idiot”

Donghyuck scoffed a little at the other’s comment, although he wasn’t wrong. The Adjudicator that held the door open for them raised an eyebrow at Donghyuck as he shuffled past. Donghyuck hid his embarrassment in the puffy neck of his coat.

“I’m Chittaphon” The other whispered as they shuffled into place.

Donghyuck noted that he was, like him, slightly older than the rest.

“Donghyuck, are you here for dance then?”

“yeah.”

The three adjudicators stood to tell everyone the auditions would start as someone stood to shut the door. The first three people went, girls trying out for dance – they were fine.

“Yeesh, its too late in the day. The mood isn’t good.” Chittaphon leaned on his hip as he spoke under his breath into Donghyuck’s ear.

“Not your first rodeo then?”

“You kidding me? I must have come to over 50 of these by now. You seem to know your way around here too?”

“You have no idea-“

One of the adjudicators sighed in quiet exasperation as someone began to cry in the center of the room after being asked to stop singing.

Oh, Donghyuck was going to go himself very soon. Only a few people ahead of him. He hadn’t figured out what song he was going to sing even, what the actual fuck was he doing here.

The man in front of him was an absolute goliath, his voice rumbled as he sang a Christmas song – trying very hard and failing to imitate Michael buble’s signature clear timbre.

Huh, a Christmas song. One that he knew like the back of his hand.

“Please, stop. Thank you.”

Oh-

“Next.”

Donghyuck found himself frozen in the center of the room as he rambled off his introduction by muscle memory.

“ _This is awkward, I actually prepared the same song as the person before me-“_

_“just begin, its okay.”_

Was this really Donghyuck’s voice? Did that just come out of his mouth? A glance to the side and Donghyuck found Chittaphon sending an encouraging little smile from the sidelines.

What did it matter anyway? This part of the plan was just a formality. Something to get his name in the system so if he was caught at the clinic tomorrow it wouldn’t cause any suspicion. He could sing the spongebob intro theme if he really wanted to.

Yeah, yeah this was good. Better even. Why not have his last ever audition at the agency he always dreamt of becoming a star for like this? Go out with a bang? With a self-indulgent Christmas song that just might be low enough to work with his ‘grown-up’ range.

Donghyuck breathed in shakily once, steadier the second time. While they all stood in a windowless room, Donghyuck imagined that snow was probably falling outside. Renjun waiting in his warm beanie leaning against a streetlamp someplace outside trying to look unassuming. The room was so quiet, it felt like a winter’s morning. Like all the times Donghyuck accidentally left the window next to his bed ajar so a little line of snowflakes dusted the windowsill when he woke up. All construction paused to make way for a potential snowstorm, foot traffic slowed to a minimum in the early daylight.

“Have yourself-“

The door opened quietly, startling Donghyuck for a split second before he remembered a musician’s training to not stop – not for anyone.

“-a merry little Christmas-“

Yes. Keep your eyes trained to the front of the room, looking around with soft eyes that wouldn’t make the adjudicators feel like they were being stared down, but understood, included in your musical moment.

Footsteps made their way around and Donghyuck heard someone take their seat in a chair.

“Stop, please stop.”

Well, fucking hell huh?

Donghyuck let himself really look ahead now, spotting the fourth person at the table that had just joined during his audition.

“I think its better we introduce our guest today, and then you may start again so he can hear you from the beginning.”

Oh, no.

“Everyone, this is going to be our clinician tomorrow - should you make it to that round. He was gracious enough to take the time from his schedule to join in the early selection process.”

Donghyuck’s air caught in his throat. It grew more tangled there with his breath until he felt like he was going into a fit of rage again, except it was different. stronger than panic, softer than anger. Is this what it means to feel ‘star struck’?

“Hi everyone, sorry to interrupt. I’m Mark Lee with SN entertainment. Let’s continue, I hope to see some of you tomorrow at the clinic.”

All eyes turned back to Donghyuck, it was like he could feel the gazes turn him from fire to ice, and then melt him into a puddle.

He could forget about the rest of the eyes though, there was a pair seemingly gluing him into place. He stared back at Donghyuck with some polite interest, maybe even a little sleepy from what Donghyuck imagines was the drive there.

_Sure, hes an Idol, Hyuck, but hes just a guy too. Just as kidnappable as anyone else. He operates under the same laws of physics and human psychology as you and I do._

Renjun, you’re wrong. This guy isn’t just a guy.

///

“Mark Lee”

“Okay, what about him?”

“Donghyuck, its Mark Lee.”

“Whats what?”

“Mark Lee is our assignment, the person we will transport to North Korea.”

…

“Donghyuck?”

///

“Donghyuck?”

He was still standing there, but his soul had effectively left his body the second he locked eyes with Mark. He looked like a normal person, honestly, but he wasn’t a normal person. He had risen to stardom out of absolute nowhere, a triple threat and not even a year older than Donghyuck. Donghyuck transported hundreds of _his_ albums with Renjun monthly – people were willing to risk their lives for a taste of his music.

That wasn’t it though, the stardom wasn’t it. Wasn’t what Donghyuck was seeing as he stared agape at him. Or, was it? Maybe it was. Its just something. Something is there that Renjun hadn’t prepped Donghyuck for, wasn’t included in their outlined plan.

Well, whatever it was looking back at Donghyuck, it was going to watch him make an absolute fool of himself. Mark Lee, his future victim of kidnapping, his adjudicator, personally, would have the honor of telling Donghyuck that he had failed the audition.

Brilliant. Not according to plan at all.

Fuck, _really_ not according to plan.

If Donghyuck messed this up and didn’t make it to the next phase, Mark would remember him. He wouldn’t be able to sneak in, and should they ever catch Mark and he got away, now Mark knew his name, his face. He had his audition form in front of him and even knew his middle name and the academy he attended – his weight and height.

“Yes, apologies, I’ll start again.”

Oh, these stakes were different. He wouldn’t be able to come back here ever again. Donghyuck’s dream died here. He was the predator falling to pieces before his prey. It was like he was experiencing a jimmy neutron brain blast. Donghyuck has never put everything on the line at an audition like this, he realized, even if he told himself before that he gave his all.

It was never really, and he knew that because this was his all. Right here.

Fucking take it, Mark Lee.

///

“Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck turned to see Chittaphon prancing up from around the building to greet him, a wide smile on his face.

“Oh, hey”

“Oh, hey?” Chittaphon smirked and held up his entry form for the next day, gesturing to the same one in Donghyuck’s hands.

“Looks like all those times paid off, right? You really put on a show in there.”

Oh, right, he had just auditioned. He had just auditioned? Donghyuck stared down at his form – the white fibers of the paper blending in with the snow on the ground and reflecting too much light. He closed his eyes.

What the hell happened in there after Mark entered?

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow I guess? Actually, here-“

Donghyuck looked up to see Chittaphon handing him his phone with a giddy expression.

“Gimme your number, and we can meet up after to get food or something. It’ll be a full day audition and we won’t know the results until the next day, so might as well celebrate this little success and get some pork belly, some jjajangmyeon?”

“Oh- okay. Yeah! That sounds like fu-“

After tomorrow – after the audition. Donghyuck shrunk back onto his heels. If all goes well, he and Renjun would be on the flight to China after tomorrow with Mark Lee sleeping a few feet below them in the hold of the plane.

If all goes well. In what universe does an audition well done end in him committing a felony and leaving the chance behind?

No, there was no use getting wrapped up in chances again. He had a new chance at fixing everything now, one that _didn’t_ involve the curse of his voice, and it was waiting for him some kilometers north, not on the other side of the SN building.

///

“You got to the next round? That’s great, Hyuck!”

Donghyuck could spot Renjun fidgeting from a mile away, but chose not to expose his form from his coat pocket until they were standing together. The two smiled together, laughed. Renjun shook his shoulders and patted the back of his head, because he was proud of him. Donghyuck did good in there, and his best friend was proud of him.

It felt a little odd though, was his friend proud of him for doing what he had never been able to do in all of their years in school together? Or for making it through the first step of their arduous mission?

Renjun pulled back and his clear laugh rang out in the alley they were tucked into, some birds fluttered and rushed up through the clothing lines crisscrossing the space above them – spreading their wings into the snow-blue sky.

Donghyuck laughed too, just because he loved hearing Renjun’s laugh that much.

From this day onward, maybe reasons don’t have to matter so much anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, well *well*. 
> 
> I wonder what-- will happen next!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts and predictions~ also uni resumes in the next few days for me, so I'll try to get the next chapter up before things get toooo crazy. I've already written some of the later story parts for the other dreamies when its their time to be introduced just because I'm so excited to include them! I really hope y'all like it too :3


End file.
